she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
