You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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