i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
