I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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