JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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