I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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