Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
