He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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