five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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