and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
