Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
