This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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