These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
