Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
