Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You ate ashes out of my bong
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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