What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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