I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
