Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
