and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
