he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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