I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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