I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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