She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
