I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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