Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
