right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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