I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
