cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
