i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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