for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
