DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
This girl is more easily done than said...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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