I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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