My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
