i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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