i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
