that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
