omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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