your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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