During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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