my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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