i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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