Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
