the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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