New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
