I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
