Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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