I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
