woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i think im in europe. pls send help
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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