Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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