I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
