I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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