Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??