If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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