this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
