Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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