Will you blow on my dice?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
