There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
