never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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