I need help removing her.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
