is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
