she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
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I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
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This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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