then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
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She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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