I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
