Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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