i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
