Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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