She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize